by wildcherry on Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 | Friendship, Love | No Comments

The kind of folks you hang with influence you more than you think. Multiple studies show that human beings unconsciously and consciously mimic the behaviors of those around them. Folks hanging out with optimists become optimists themselves. Women who cheat on their husbands dally with other cheaters.

In Bounce: Living the Resilient Life, psychology professor Robert Wicks recommends that we invite into our circle of friends four types of people: the prophet, the cheerleader, the harasser, and guides. By including these different voices and friends into our life, he argues, we can become more resilient to life’s blows.

The prophet is the type of person that calls us on any misguided attempts at something, makes us accountable for our behavior, and prompts us to be honest, even when that is not easy. The prophet challenges us, and can be a royal pain at times, but ultimately helps us to find freedom. Says Wicks, “Prophets point! They point to the fact that it doesn’t matter whether pleasure or pain is involved, the only thing that matters is that we seek to see and live ‘the truth’ because only it will set us free.”

2. The Cheerleader

To balance out the provocation and questioning of a prophet, a person also must have a few cheerleader friends: folks who offer unconditional love, support, and acceptance. Wicks says we need the encouragement of the cheerleader as much as the criticism and feedback of the prophet because “burnout is always around the corner when we don’t have people who are ready to encourage us, see our gifts clearly, and be there for us when our involvement with people, their sometimes unrealistic demands, and our own crazy expectations for ourselves threaten to pull us down.”

3. The Harasser

After we’ve been criticized and loved, we need to laugh. That’s why we need harassers, the third kind of friend, who helps us to see the humor in life’s frustrations and calamities. They help us to mock our unrealistic expectations, of ourselves and of others. Says Wicks, “This type of friend helps us regain and maintain perspective.”

4. Guides

And finally, we need guides. Listeners. People who will, according to Wicks, “search and look for nuances in what we share with them to help us to uncover some of the ‘voices’ that are unconsciously guiding our lives, especially the ones that make us hesitant, anxious, fearful, and willful.”

Written by:Therese Borchard

Tags: best friends, Bounce: Living The Resilient Life, four kinds of friends, friends, Friendship, kinds of friends we need, Make Friends, making friends, Peer Pressure, Robert Wicks, The Balanced Life, types of friends

by wildcherry on Saturday, October 3rd, 2009 | Dating, Love, Relationship | No Comments

You probably don’t find anything particularly interesting about a quirky or unique feature you have, but it could be one of the things she’s drawn to. It probably represents something deeper and alluring that’s the cause for attraction, such as sophistication, mystery or an edge. When pulling off what makes you unique, remember to up your confidence levels so you maximize your pulling power.

Here are five surprising things she’s attracted to and why:

Scars
That girl you’re having dinner with for the first time doesn’t know the stories behind that mark on your skin which vaguely resembles a scorpion, but she’s fascinated by it. If you doubt what scars can do for your magnetism, just take a look at singer Seal. His scars have made him much more interesting than he would have been without them. Scars also provide men with a rugged manliness and mystery, which is always sexy.

Research backs up why scars are a hit with women. According to science news website, Science Daily, scientists at Liverpool and Sterling University have found that women may associate scars with health and bravery. Scars not only show you’re a courageous guy who’ll take on his opponents, but you’re tough enough to outlive them. Refrain from killing the mystery when it comes to those other silly scars, though. It’s best to keep it to yourself that the scar on your forehead was from a clumsy, drunken fall in the garden.

House plants
Of course she wants you to be nurturing, but just how does she gauge your tenderness levels? Interestingly, a way for women to do this is by noticing how you treat a living thing that, unlike her, you won’t be trying to get into bed later. That means your house plants will be up for inspection. It takes a patient, affectionate man to grow healthy plants, and with our trend of going green, a woman who pays attention to how you cultivate plants is also seeing your nurturing spirit in a much bigger picture.

Nuts, UK’s No. 1 selling men’s weekly magazine, polled 1,500 women on what personality traits they find most attractive in men, and caring for the environment grabbed the top spot. By adopting a greener habit, you’re also winning: Experts say as little as 30 minutes a week taking care of the garden can improve your health and performance in bed. That’s a good reason to trim the hedge, right?

Sweat
Yes, sweat can be sexy. Don’t believe us? Well, ask yourself this: Why does your girlfriend like to watch those football matches? Is it because she’s interested in the game or perving over the players? Chances are, although the former is likely, the latter makes much more sense when it comes to sweat being attractive. There’s something sexy about men running up and down a field in the blazing heat being in need of a cool shower.

That certain something is all about the chemicals found in your natural cologne. Researchers at the University of California at Berkeley have found that a chemical in male sweat called androstadienone causes women’s hormone levels and sexual arousal to increase. So the next time you meet her for a date, let her join you for an afternoon jog. With you exuding those androstadienones, her heart rate will be increasing for more reasons than one. But don’t make a habit of it, please — sweatiness is best reserved to a few activities, and should never replace your antiperspirant.

Gray hair
In a society that consistently sends out messages of youthfulness being attractive, it’s common for men to consider coloring their gray hair back to what it was before. But gray hair is no longer reserved for your grandpa; on a younger guy it can ooze sexiness. A good example is 47-year-old actor John Slattery, whose gray makes him look charming, suave and experienced. If you need further proof that silver is the new black, a survey by Match.com found that a whopping 72% of women think gray hair is hot.

Eyeglasses
Who would have thought geek would be chic? According to studies by the University of Stockholm, women are more attracted to men who wear glasses than those who don’t. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out why — they appear intelligent. And, if a man is intelligent, it means he’ll more than likely mentally stimulate his woman. Many women will tell you there’s nothing quite like a witty, smart conversation to impress them.

The lure of intelligence has also got to do with biology. Researchers in New Mexico gave 400 Vietnam War veterans extensive mental tests and later (weirdly enough) asked them to provide sperm samples. The results showed that the men who scored

Source:Askmen

Tags: Be Attractive To Women, Dating Guide, dating tips, Find Attractive Woman, Friendship, How To Be Attractive To Women, online dating, Potential Partner, soulmate, Top Reasons Women, Why Women Are Attracted To Men, Women Love

by winstonian on Thursday, October 30th, 2008 | Dating, Love | 11 Comments

I’m faced with a dilemma. Well, first of all I’m sick. And I can’t figure out if it’s because I exercise too vigorously or if I have the influenza. I feel mildly exhausted and I don’t feel good if I watch too much television. Sort of in the headache area. And the other dilemma:

I think I have a problem trying to please everyone all the time. Even girls. There are girls that talk on and on about things I don’t care about. This one girl was telling me about her cultural funerals and going into every minute detail.

It’s funny. Because I don’t want to be rude. And yet if I’m too honest I risk losing a friendship and a possible relationship. So I play this people pleasing game, which is hard for me to play. C’est la vie, Au mon dieu. Will we ever find true love? And will it be what we imagine it could be?

Random aside: I think Anne Hathaway is incredibly attractive. 

Tags: anne hathaway, Friendship, Love, love advice

by winstonian on Friday, September 5th, 2008 | Friendship, Love | 5 Comments

Hello goodcherries!!

Am I the only one who can only take a friendship so far? The other week my friend spent the night at my place. And it was great - for the first few days. But then things weren’t so great. I wasn’t taking care of myself the same way and I felt I couldn’t be transparent to him about the things that began to bother me. So I’m glad to be alone now, only I used to complain about being alone. I hope I don’t get to that spot where I am alone and will take any company I can get, even poor company. So I’m taking better care of myself. And my friend does floss and he does shower each day, which are pluses.

A girl winked at me the other day. I liked it. I wonder if she’ll go with me to this place I like, and yet I’m cautious not to ask her out too soon. Gotta get a bite before I reel ‘em in!!

special shout-out to bigoven.com

Oh, and there’s something about garlic I like.

Tags: Friendship, garlic

by winstonian on Friday, September 5th, 2008 | Friendship, Love | 1 Comment

Hello goodcherries!!

spirit-of-metal.com

am i the only person who feels like they invest SO much into a relationship with friends, so much more than he or she is getting in return? Obviously we’re not in friendships for selfish reasons, but sometimes it’s ridiculous! giving a dollar for a penny in return? i just hope i’m a better friend to others than others may be to me. what is the secret to happines???

Tags: betrayal, Friendship, secret to happiness

by nothingness on Saturday, August 16th, 2008 | Friendship | 1 Comment

photo by AP

Eleven-year-old Nada Lutfiyyah , 12 (was 8), is an Aceh tsunami survivor who lost her both parents in the disaster.  Maggie Hamilton, 13 (was 9), of Charlevoix, Michigan wrote a sympathetic letter expressing her concerns to the victims of the disaster.  Not knowing where to address the letter, Maggie sent the letter to the White House.  The letter was then passed to Nada’s school via the Indonesian government.  Nada then received the letter along with a bracelet made by Maggie that was included in the letter.  Nada replied the letter and also included a hair band that she made.  They have since become penpals.

President Yudhoyono read those letters in an event in the White House on May 25, 2005.  Maggie then was invited by the Indonesian government to visit Indonesia.  Both girls first happily met on Aug 15, 2008 in Jakarta.  Nada will take Maggie to visit Aceh on August 20 to show Maggie her school.  They are also scheduled to meet President Yudhoyono to give both of the bracelet and the hair band to him.

Tags: aceh, Friendship, tsunami

by bintangkecil on Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008 | Friendship | 1 Comment

Have you ever felt you knew your friends very well until a misfortune happens?

My friend, Lena, once told me, “It was very bitter for me at that time but after that, I realize how lucky I was to have a misfortune.” (ironic, isn’t it? - BK - Bintang Kecil).

“You are very lucky to have experienced a misfortune”, I told her.
You know why? Because, just because you find out who’s your enemy under your blanket sooner … rather than later … right?

On one night on a summer weekend, Lena was planning to go and hang out at a lounge in Hollywood with her group of friends. Lena was going to carpool with them. They were going to pick her up on the way to the lounge at 8pm. They didn’t want Lena to go and drive alone to the lounge, they said …

Somehow, one of Lena’s friends, Heidi, called her and said, “Lena, could you pick up Tommy on your way to the lounge? Let’s just meet up there!”

Lena: “What? Who’s Tommy?”

Heidi: “He’s my friend, he wants to join us to the lounge. Could you pick him up? He lives in Pasadena. It’s close from Arcadia right?” (If you don’t know how close they are, let’s say it’s about 10-15 miles?)

Lena: “I thought you were going to pick me up?”

Heidi: “No, change of plans .. Tommy wants to go but he doesn’t want to drive and your place is close to his so can you please pick him up?”

Lena was already upset, she called me right after Heidi called her.

Lena: “I can’t believe what Heidi just did .. Heidi is going to have to pass Tommy’s house anyway but she’s telling me to pick him up? I don’t even know him. Why should I pick him up?”

BK: “I guess because she does not want Tommy to drive and it you’re not driving, there wouldn’t be enough room for all of you guys?”

Lena: “Yes, exactly. I never knew that she would trade me with some guy ..”

Lena didn’t end up going that night and spent the night at my place instead.

She told me that long time ago, she helped Heidi a lot when she needs transportation. She actually drove 35 miles to pick her up and drove her around. She didn’t think that Heidi would have used her just to pick up a guy for her own advantage. I told her that it’s probably Heidi’s logical solution at that time?? ..

Lena also mentioned that she had a flat tire in the middle of the night once and called Heidi (thinking that Heidi was her closest friend …) and left a voicemail, but she did not pick up and did not even call until the next day. Somebody else, who’s not even in the hangout group, called her and came to help her put on the spare tire.

Misfortune can tell you a lot about your true friends …

I can only say “Lena, you are very lucky … to have less unidentified true friends”.

(Other bigger misfortunate was not mentioned in this story because of Lena’s privacy)

Misfortune shows those who are not really friends. - Aristotle

Tags: betrayal, friends, Friendship, lucky, misfortune, true friends