by nate on Monday, January 18th, 2010 | Dating, Friendship, Love, Relationship | 1 Comment

1. “My ex did the exact same thing!”
Whether it’s a desirable resemblance (they both always hold the door open) or a less desirable one (neither one showers often enough), your boyfriend never wants to hear that he’s anything like your ex. Ever.

You don’t want him to feel like you’re always comparing the two of them, do you? Think about it: Do you really want him to imagine that he does other things just like your ex? Doubtful. Plus, he might think you’re still hung up on your former flame.

Either way, a comment like this won’t do much for his self-esteem. So the next time you experience boyfriend deja-vu, keep it to yourself.

2. “Helen’s pregnant … Shhhh”
Remember on Sex and the City when Carrie tells Aidan that Miranda’s pregnant but that he can’t tell Steve? Remember how upset Aidan was to hear the incriminating news? Your boyfriend doesn’t want to hear information that could get him into trouble. And even if he does want to hear it, he really shouldn’t.

Don’t burden him with someone else’s secret. And besides, if he does spill the beans, your friend is going to be mad at you, not him.

Along the same lines, he doesn’t want to hear about your friend’s yeast infections, her irregular periods or her IBS. It’s bad enough he has to hear about yours.

3. “When we’re married/have kids…”
It’s natural to fantasize about wedded bliss and the three kids you and your beau will one day spawn — you’re only human. And sometimes you might even entertain this fantasy very early on in a relationship. But unless you want to scare him away permanently, keep thoughts like these in your head where they belong.

Even if he himself has thought about your happily-ever-after future, he probably doesn’t want to hear it described out loud just yet. Wait until you’re sure you’re on the same page regarding marriage, kids, and the future of your relationship before you start prophesizing. A gut feeling probably isn’t good enough.

4. “Do You Think She’s Pretty?”
When you ask a question like this, your boyfriend knows he can’t win.

If he says “yes,” you’ll probably get jealous and upset. You might even follow up with “Is she prettier than me?” Talk about a loaded question!

Of course, if he says “no” (and she clearly is pretty), you’ll accuse him of being a liar. You’ll wonder what else he’s lying about, even as you assure him you don’t mind if he says “yes.” Pfff…as if you’re that insecure!

Has he managed to convince you that he genuinely doesn’t find her attractive at all? You’ll wonder what his bad taste says about you.

See?

5. “I’m fine” or “Never mind”
Your face says it all. So does the fact that you haven’t said a word in the past hour. And the way you snapped over the misplaced remote control isn’t hiding anything either. But when he asks if you’re okay, you say you’re fine. At this point, your boyfriend wants to tear his hair out.

Passive-aggressive behavior doesn’t help anyone. First, you miss an opportunity to actually address what’s bothering you. You also bottle up your frustrations and create new problems. By the time you actually try to tackle what’s really bothering you, you’re both too upset about too many things to have a constructive discussion.

6. “I just let one go”
In a man’s mind, women only use the bathroom to re-apply their lipstick (or, at the very worst, pee). They know they’re kidding themselves, but they really don’t want any physical, verbal, or olfactory indication of the contrary.

Announcing your bodily function means he can no longer blame the dog. Suddenly, you’re one of the guys, and not in a sexy, “I watch football and drink beer but I’m still a girlie-girl” kind of way.

Sure, he’ll get over it. He may even laugh about it from time to time. But he’d still prefer that it never happened. So depending on how squeamish your guy is, you might want to wait till you’re married to be disgusting.

7. “I’ll try anything once!”
Because unless you really, really, really mean it, don’t get his hopes up.

8. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
(Repeatedly. Even after he’s told you he really is okay.)

Sometimes we’re thrown off guard when our guy is uncharacteristically quiet. We’ll prod and probe, hoping to get to the bottom of their issue (and too often, we’re absolutely sure it’s something we’ve done). When in reality, there may not be a concrete reason at all.

Men have bad days too — they can be moody, tired, or just generally not feel like talking. They’re only human! As hard as it can be, don’t read into it too much. Give him his space and keep yourself busy until he snaps out of it.

Ask him what’s bothering him over and over again and the only honest answer will be “You.”

9. “I hate my thighs”
If he didn’t find you attractive, he wouldn’t be with you in the first place. Period, end of story.

Putting yourself down in front of him makes you look insecure, and just in case you didn’t know, men really hate that (see #6). Just like women, they’re usually attracted to self-confidence and put off by its opposite.

Think about it. Would you want to be with a man who constantly talked about how much he hated his calves or how he felt like a failure in his career? Uh, no way.

In addition, you’ll draw attention to flaws that he probably never even noticed before. No one else looks as closely at your body as you do. In all likelihood, you are your own worst critic. Don’t recruit him.

10. “I hate your mom”
Likewise for his friends, his siblings, his dad … even his dog.

If he really loves someone or something, don’t hate on ‘em. You may not get along perfectly with everyone in his life, but try your hardest to be diplomatic in your relationships with people he really cares about. Be open-minded about what he sees in them (things that may not be immediately obvious to you).

Maybe Deadbeat Dave is his oldest friend — the person he survived middle school with; the only person who stood by him when he lost his job a couple years back. Maybe despite his lack of attention to hygiene, he’s got a heart of gold.

If you love your man, you’ll trust his judgment.

And whatever you do, don’t ever make him pick a side. If it’s between you and his mom, you’ll lose every time.

source: shine.yahoo.com

Tags: do not say these things to your boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, man and woman, pregnant, relationships, sex, tips, woman and secret, woman's secret

by nate on Thursday, December 17th, 2009 | Beauty, Knowledge, Life, Tips | No Comments

A new study has actually proven that the women’s magazines were right — so long as you live in the city. But if you’re a country girl, it’s more of a case of “pretty is as pretty does.”

Researchers have found that happiness for city women is quite dependent upon physical appearance. But in the country, looks don’t count for much in terms of overall life satisfaction and happiness, according to a new study in the journal Personal Relationships.

“City women who were the most attractive got a lot of bang for their appearance buck,” says the study’s lead author, Victoria Plaut, a visiting assistant professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, School of Law, and an assistant professor at the University of Georgia. “And if you were even slightly below average, you were very clearly worse off.”

When it came to women living in the country, there was no connection between physical appearance and happiness. Even more interesting — there was a slight trend in the data for women in the country to be happier if they were chubbier, Plaut says.

For the new study, Plaut and her colleagues interviewed 257 women who lived in the city and 330 from the country. The women were asked to rate their satisfaction with life, their connectedness with friends and community, and their general level of happiness. For a measure of satisfaction, they were asked to rate their lives on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “worst possible life you can imagine” and 10 listed as the “best possible life you can imagine.”

To get a sense of the women’s attractiveness, researchers asked for waist and hip measurements. Other studies have shown that the ratio of waist to hips is a reliable indicator of attractiveness, Plaut explains. The lower the ratio, the slimmer the waist — and the more attractive a woman is considered to be.

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Tags: attrative women, city girls, city women, country girls, country women, Dating, happiness, money buys happiness, relationships, women and happiness, women magazine

by wildcherry on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009 | Dating, Love, Relationship | No Comments

Some people are born romantics and, when you see such people effortlessly being romantic and loving, it’s common to wonder why you can’t be like that with your own partner. The fact is though, that very few people are naturally romantic, it is rather a result of practice on their behalf. They have simply taken the time and made the effort to find out what their partner wants, and then found interesting and exciting ways to deliver it.

If you are not entirely sure what your partner wants, you may need to try different things at first. If you are short on ideas for ways to demonstrate your affection, try some of the following suggestions:

• Send a text message saying how much you love them
• Write and post a letter to them
• Send a romantic email and attach your favorite picture of the two of you
• Give compliments each and every time you see each other
• Always kiss them before you leave and when you return
• Kiss your partner when they are least expecting it
• Give them hugs and affectionate squeezes
• Hold hands while walking together
• Leave love notes lying around
• Phone your partner for no other reason than to say you love them
• Cook and serve a candlelit dinner
• Arrange to have an intimate lunch together
• Send your partner flowers
• Write a romantic poem and read it to your partner
• Write a list of the reasons why you love your partner and stick it on their bedroom wall
• Learn some massage techniques to use on your partner
• Call last thing at night to wish them sweet dreams

There are of course other things that you could do, but those ideas listed above are more than enough, so long as you follow them through and put your heart into them. By implementing even a few of them, your partner will be in no doubt as to how your feelings towards them.

Tags: advice, affection, Dating, Demonstrate Your Affection, Love, relationship ideas, relationships, relationships tips

by wildcherry on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009 | Dating, Family, Love, Relationship | No Comments

The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship.

First, you need to be predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive. Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.

Next, you need to make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.

Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s competency. If you don’t you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.

Don’t keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. Assume everything you know will eventually come out. Secrets require enormous energy on your part. That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.

Fifth, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are. Don’t make him or her guess what you need. Let them know. It is okay to be self-centred as long as you are not selfish. Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.

Sixth, learn to say no. When your partner voices his or her needs that is a good thing. But you don’t need to say yes to everything. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.

Finally, always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth. Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult.

When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain. But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your coupledom.

Tags: divorce, gain trust in relationship, good relationship, how to build trust in relationship, relationship, relationships, to get your ex back, trust, trust in a relationship, Trust Relationship, trusting her, trusting him

by wildcherry on Sunday, September 20th, 2009 | Inspiration, Life | No Comments

What most don’t know is that peace begins with us! Peace isn’t about what is going on in the Middle East, peace is how we relate to every individual we meet on a daily basis.

Beginning with our self, every relationship we have is a stepping stone to World Peace. We move outward from our center to our spouses, children, parents, siblings, family members, co-workers, supervisors, church, school, and community.

As we become more at peace within our personal worlds, we will extend that peace outward like ripples on a lake. This spiritual unity will be achieved one person at a time and permeate our world. A great new world order is unfolding and this is a good time to reflect on the past as it relates to our future. Evolve to a place where we set a tone for peaceful relations with everyone we meet? How can we evolve to these great heights, you ask? Does that sound like a fantasy? Well it isn’t, just imagine, and peace will grow.

The first part of this process is to let go. Let go of that which does not serve us or our future. Give the benefit of doubt to that which you do not understand. Love deeply and unconditionally. Love is the answer to every question. Begin with love every day and know that most people want the best out of living. Helping each other get the best out of life ensures success for all of humanity. This is a win-win scenario at its best, and a simple reframe in our thinking will help us to get there. Remember, what we send out, we get back. This is the law of quantum physics and the law of attraction.

So what happens when we are zipping along, loving everyone and along comes someone that disrupts the flow? We are only human. We don’t always see eye to eye with everyone, because we are different people even though we are connected at our roots to One Source. That said, there might be folks in our lives that we love more when we don’t get to see them very often.

Ultimately, we need a plan to help us manage our “love machine” to keep moving with the flow. Briefly stated, we need to live spontaneously, but take charge. When we get information we do not ask for, it helps to have a plan. When someone says something that triggers a move down the path of negativity, stop for a moment and regroup.

This is World Peace, one step at a time and one person at a time. Join the UN International Peace day Sept 20th!

Technorati Tags: world+peace

Tags: Bill Of Rights, Civilized Society, Democracy, End War, freedom, Inner Peace, International Bill Of Human Rights, International Bill Of Rights, international Peace day, international peace day sept 20th, Law And Order, Love, Peace, relationships, Self Improvement, war, world peace

by wildcherry on Thursday, September 17th, 2009 | Dating, Family, Friendship, Love, Relationship | No Comments

Words can be the most powerful motivation tool but also the most destructive weapon in the world. It reminds me of nuclear energy; it can be turn into a nuclear bomb which will create massive destruction force or you can use it to generate electricity enough to satisfy the need for millions of people.

Words can be in the form of praise and compliment but also a weapon that can hurt and leave an emotional scar in a person. For instance, rumors are able to cause a person to break down and become adversely affected because of the large number of people being involved.

When it comes to relationship, hurtful remarks and insults being hurled on a person in the fit of anger during conflicts can deeply affect the person’s psychological and emotional state. The impact of these words can be further intensified especially when it come out from a person who you are closely attached to. The emotional effect may heal over time but it can also change a person’s perception of humanity and relationships permanently.

To know the power of words, try to think back to your childhood and recall a time that someone said something to you that you’ve carried with you ever since. Was it positive or negative?

It’s important for us to keep in mind the power of speech to both inspire and inflict pain. We need to be aware of the things that come out of our mouths, to think about the words before we say them. This is especially true for parents because of how impressionable the mind of a child is. But as the incident mentioned at the start of this article points out, it is important in any environment including work.

So what can you do to help monitor your speech and choose your words more carefully? One technique is before you make a comment to or about someone, ask yourself the following three questions:
1) Is this true?
2) Is this kind? and
3) Is this necessary to say?

These questions can help you analyze what you’re going to say before it slips out of your mouth and hurts someone unnecessarily. Using these questions does not mean that you never say something that is unkind, untrue, or unnecessary. But it does mean that you will have thought about it first. Telling your spouse that you no longer love them may not be kind, but if it’s true, it may be necessary. But gossiping to a co-worker that the boss is having an affair is probably unnecessary, unkind, and possibly untrue.

Our world is full of untrue, unkind and unnecessary words that are constantly doing damage. And if we take a moment to consider our speech, we may find it possible to change what we say to carry a more positive energy - maybe we can even inspire someone!

So here’s my challenge to all of you:

Why don’t you go inspire someone today!

It can be your co-workers, your family members, your friends at schools, love ones or even strangers. Use your words to generate energy in their life!

Tags: Esteem, Feelings, happiness, inspire someone, Personal Growth, relationship, relationships, Self, Self Improvement, Thinking, trust, women, Words, words hurts, Words Really Do Matter

by nate on Tuesday, July 21st, 2009 | Dating, Friendship, Love, Love Letter, Relationship | 2 Comments

I am blessed by Dr. Gary Chapman’s book explanation about these 5 languages of love, maybe it’s been around for a while, but I was just reminded that everyone has one or more love languages that needs to be fulfilled to make them satisfied:

• Words of Affirmation
  This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate’s self image and confidence.
• Quality Time
  Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner’s love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.
• Gifts
  It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don’t have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.
• Acts of Service
  Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.
• Physical Touch
  Sometimes just stroking your spouse’s back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.

Tags: acts of service, Gary Chapman, Gifts, how do I express love to others, languages of love, marriages, physical touch, quality time, relationships, what do I request most, words of affirmation

by argyll2002 on Tuesday, November 4th, 2008 | Love, Love Poems | 4 Comments

This poem is for everyone who has ever loved, been loved and needs loved, but most of all for those who wish to understand love.

A Universal State

It is a very strange emotion
Over which we have no control
It can descend upon you suddenly
And penetrate your soul

For love has no boundary
And no one is immune
It will tug upon your heart strings
And play its merry tune

And though the world is full
Of famine, war and death
Love transcends them all
As it is in our very breath

Because love is more than an emotion
It is a universal state
The very essence of our lives
A very human trait

So when you get those feelings
Let love envelop you
Embrace, nurture, cherish it
And show it to others too

By James

www.alifeofrhyme.blogspot.com

Tags: Love, Passion, poetry, relationships, Romance

by nate on Thursday, September 25th, 2008 | Dating, Love, Relationship | No Comments

Here are the answers to some of the biggest relationship dilemmas.

Don’t even think about getting involved with an unhappy man who says his marriage is over, expert says.

1. I’m married and exhausted. Sex or sleep?

2. My clock is ticking. Settle for the guy I care about, or hold out for The One, who may never show up

3. I’ve met a great guy. He never calls. Should I call him?

4. He’s married, but he says he’s not happy and it’s ending. I should stay away, right?

5. When, if ever, is it a good idea to try again with a guy whose heart you’ve already broken?

6. I love my partner, but the sex is underwhelming. Stay the course or go?

By Arianne Cohen from “O, The Oprah Magazine,” September 2008

Click here to find out the rest…

Tags: dating decissions, oprah, relationships